Ocular Athletics--The Perfect Game

This week we read The Perfect Game from Tremendous Trifles....

Croquet by Ken

Croquet is fun unless you are playing with someone who knows the rules. Also, if you are playing with someone who is annoying, croquet mallets come in handy.

You know, if I was the best player in the world it wouldn't be any fun because I could just hit the ball and easily go through the wicket. But if you are bad like me you have the pleasure of hitting the ball again and again. So you see, being bad at croquet is more fun than being good.

Amateurism by Joe

Amateurism is the playing of sports for pleasure. Amateurs are usually younger than professionals and it is not that uncommon for them to become professionals. Almost everyone is an amateur at something. I ,for instance, am an amateur baseball player, basketball player, an amateur golfer and an amateur soccer player.

Amateurs do not get paid, they play for fun and the possibility of some day being a pro. Olympic athletes are amateurs and don't get paid, Olympians are sponsored by companies such as Subway or Wendy's and in return they usually have to act in their commercials.

If you play a game such as croquet you can call yourself and amateur croquet player. In case you have never played croquet I will now explain the rules. To play croquet you must maneuver a ball through a series of nine wickets using nothing but a hammer. You try to get your ball through the wickets in as few turns as possible. Every time you go through a wicket you get an extra shot to try to go through the following wicket. You win the game by being the first through the first seven wickets, hitting the turning stake and going through the next seven wickets.

If you hit another player's ball you get two extra shots from where your ball is on the ground or you may pick up your ball and place it next to the ball you hit. Once you put your ball by the other ball you hit you may either take two shots from there or put your foot on your ball and then hit it with your mallet in such a way that the other ball rolls away and then you take one shot from your ball's resulting location.

Croquet is a fun game but it can drive you utterly bonkers if you are not any good at it.

On the Matter of Croquet by Adam

Have you ever played croquet? Well, if you have I guess the question is, did you like it? Then the next question would be, were you good at it? If you answered, yes, yes, no in that order, you are probably a lot like me. I'm awful at the game. Yet an irrational love of the confounded activity follows me through my summer days; but even so I don't spend my summer mallet in hand whacking a colored ball around the backyard. Far from it. If I did that I would quickly become proficient at the game and that is a fact I sincerely dread. I have played people who were good at the game who have played me once and quickly moved on. I would finally be able to celebrate getting the ball through the third wicket and he would be coming back around, barreling through wickets like a truck on the freeway, his pose perfect, his face somber, and his ball going through yet another wicket. I must say though, who do you think had a better experience? Me, who had a record time of thirty minutes around the court, or my somber adversary, who deemed it counter-productive for me to even continue the match? However, I can tell you that victory is not my objective nor, of course, is defeat. But the slow, methodical and often frustrating route of the game is quite enjoyable. I play for the fact of playing. I find that when the dog steals my ball and finally drops it at the next wicket it is not only helpful but exceedingly amusing.