Ocular Athletics

Hunting Squirrels by Joe

One sunny day in December I was doing the dishes and saw a squirrel. I dried my hands quite calmly and then ran like a madman to my bedroom, grabbed my airgun, dropped two pellets and one BB. I picked up one pellet and the BB, put them away and loaded my gun with the last pellet. I tore outside and found the squirrel. I aimed, tugged the trigger....it wouldn't budge. I angrily took off the safety, aimed again and realized I hadn't pumped it. So I (pretty angrily by now) stamped my foot, pumped it up and MISSED! I watched a little tuft of fur fall to the ground and went in. Where most unsympathetically, everybody asked if I hit him.
(Mom note: He didn't actually miss...)

"Fire in the hall!" Shouts and bangs sounded in the kitchen, bedroom, and dining room as the combatants fought to the death. Armed with blasters and a head set the two fighters fled for cover. (Earlier that day Joe had challenged me to a duel with the flashing toy guns we had got for Christmas. We also had to wear uncomfortable and utterly ridiculous head sets. The rules wher simple: abstract ten lives from the other person by shooting the antenna with your gun.) The intense fighting and blasting stopped and silence ensued. The innocent inhabitants of the area in which the two warriors fought came out of hiding and desperately tried to escape the scene. A disembodied voice sounded:"Give up you mangy cur! You can never win. I have more lives than you and I also know where you are and know when you leave your hidey hole!"
"You think you can beat me, eh?" came the muted reply."Just come see my barricade!"
One warrior charged and disappeared behing the door. The following was pandemonium. Then a warrior appeared. The crowd waited as he lifted his dark shades...the crowd roared and surged forward, lifting him on to their shoulders. Our hero is victorious! I had won!
Actually, what really happened was I won but the most I got was a congratulations and that was it. No pat on the back, no nothing. Can you believe people?